Direction Determines Desire

I aim to live guided by my values, what I hold most dear to heart. These values include the need for strong social bonds with family and friends, social conscientiousness, freedom of expression and speech, creativity and ingenuity, knowledge and wisdom. A number of life choices can thus fulfill some of these criteria. In this way, oftentimes it is the direction of choice you pick that determines what you actually desire for, since what you truly desire is rather more abstract.

Take for instance the choice of career - one that often is made within a period of months, during a time of mental, physical, and social development, with limited information, and biased advisors. Everything comes together to ensure your choice of career is as short-sighted and uninformed as possible. Nonetheless, a good proportion of people who have a choice of career will study, graduate, then practice in their chosen career and end up quite satisfied. A greater proportion of people have second thoughts and choose to change their career.

The problem is that often times the career choice is not necessarily the goal one should seek. Many of the values one holds dear can be fulfilling in many career paths; of course unfortunately this may not be easily the case - for instance, investment banking and social conscientiousness, or nursing and adventure. It is possible to shoehorn your values into these careers but this can feel sub-optimal.

However, consider carefully the career change if there are options in your career to live out your values that one has not fully explored, and perhaps instead consider a career pivot, with one foot remaining still and the other moving. Taking the practice of law for instance. Creativity and ingenuity can come through the work of innovation policy and legal entrepreneurship. Freedom of expression and speech could be parlayed into legal journalism. Adventure could be parlayed into international law. Or the practice of medicine. Focused problem solving could be found in anaesthetics or neurology. Creativity could be found in contributing to assistive and other medical technology, running clinical trials, in public health and policy. Take the practice of computer science. Social conscientiousness could come from innovative development to disrupt industries.

Upon settling on this career pivot, one may sense in actual fact a deep desire to pursue this new direction. It certainly feels like a refreshing path and better yet, utilises the skills and knowledge garnered through practicing the field. It is the most optimal direction to take, and desire reflects this as one intuitively knows this is true.

If you cannot see a fulfilling path, indeed the best option may very well be to cut loose and live your life holistically, integrating as best as possible your life's work with your life's values. Often times though we just haven't thought about it deeply enough, and the want to escape a dead career and rethink can be ephemeral and cost dearly in both time and money when instead it may have simply been burnout and one needed a rest and refocusing of their life's values and work.

Seeking Alpha

Alpha represents many things to many people. The foremost representation is alpha in the sense of a group - the leader, the king, the one we look up most to. It comes together with "male" easily, as the patriachy deeply entrenched in most cultures and certainly in the culture I live in. The alpha male immediately conjures a particular look - athletic, solidly built. It conjures a particular personality - confidence, competitive, self centred. It conjures a particular career - Chief Executive, Barrister, Surgeon. It conjures a particular environment - tailored suits, wealth, successful peers.

The world I live in is inhabited by many persons who may fit this bill - females and males alike, but sharing these traits nonetheless. Those around them will have several reactions - amongst them being impressed or envious - but certainly will react. They are impossible to subtly pass by in the corridor.

Lets define alpha differently - borrowing from the world of finance. Alpha is the measurable change in value demonstrated by an investment in comparison to the remainder of the market. Alpha, in essence, is the change that separates stellar from average.

Alpha is changing the world in a way greater than how the average person may. Alpha is the positive impact you have on your community, your world. Consider the types of people who have positively impacted the world the most. They conjure a particular look - voluminous eyes, slim built, scholarly appearing. They conjure a particular personality - kind, humble, determined, charismatic, dedicated. They conjure a particular career - philosopher, social leader, scientist. They conjure a particular environment - danger, crowds, the middle and working class.

The world I live in is also inhabited by many persons who fit this bill - females and males alike, and there is almost always only one reaction by those around them - admiration. They similarly have an unmistakable presence, and often their approach to their work brings out the humility of us all. People travelling in their sphere work with renewed dedication and begin to reflect the qualities that alpha has.

The world we live in needs to reward alpha - the positive change - socially, financially, politically. The children of the world need to look at those with Alpha and say "I want to be like that." It needs to encourage its development and status but it is difficult to achieve that, and will take time. The latter alpha is the one I aspire to, but it often seems too lofty and goals too far - but at least I know I am aiming for the right Alpha.

Portraying Planned Perfection

"So, what do you want to do?" A question expecting an answer. Answered with surety, with the poise of a man or woman on a mission, with such authority and conviction that one cannot doubt the sincerity and truthfulness of the answer. A question that bosses ask you, that colleagues enquire, and that you contemplate yourself.

I would like to say the hardest part of this question is introspection and finding what your true compass in life is. I find this the easiest part. The part no-one is looking at, where you are free to explore all the crazy, unbidden paths to life that no-one around that is sane espouses. One can read all the books about purpose and how to live life optimally, blogs, and articles, and reach quite a satisfactory conclusion. Perhaps this is a stumbling block for some but certainly not personally, it comes naturally.

What is difficult is achieving congruency of what you hope to project and what you know you are. Inside the minds of those asking you this question is often hope - hope for you to be your very best, and to find your passion, and to see you work steadily towards the goal. There is often unspoken and spoken support waiting, and naturally people want to encourage others. They also want to help guide you in the way they feel will be constructive for you and your future. It is perhaps this hope and wish to guide the askee that leads me astray when answering this question.

I have dreams and aspirations from youth, of impacting my community and world, which sounds gloriously noble and selfless. This part I have no trouble admitting. I also have dreams and aspirations for a life of complete and utter freedom. This part is the difficult one. This is selfish, motivated only by desire to live life my own way. Writing it out doesn't sound so bad, as everything, even selflessness, is a selfish pursuit - but saying it is tough. I also don't believe in many things other people believe in, and the one thing that I don't believe in is sunk costs. The idea that you set upon a pathway and invest years or money into that project, idea, or career, and that the most optimal path is to continue along that pathway and strive to achieve your dreams and aspirations from within this chosen pathway. Try hard enough and perhaps it is true, that it may be possible. Is it how to live ones life though? To shoehorn your "sunk cost" into a version of what you aspire to be? Like love, it is possible to force the issue - but it certainly is not the best way to find satisfaction in work.

Expressing dissatisfaction with your current pathway of which one spends many years honing and practicing, is certainly to me the hardest possible answer to this above question. I think it begs many, especially those who have walked down the path with their initial dreams and aspirations successfully, to think the one expressing so is an unmotivated, untalented, and directionless person. It is also the straight truth and recently I explored the idea of being congruent with what I hope to project and what I know I am.

I knew that I wanted to have a deep knowledge and understanding of the world we live in. That I had a creativeness that was being neglected by my current career. That I was an enterprising individual at heart, wanting to draw people together in cohesion to achieve greatness, in new ways, with new approaches. At the same time, I knew my own darkest secrets. I knew that I had difficulty working where I could see no substantial benefit to the client. Where I could see that all we were doing was to stave off the inevitable march of poor outcomes. I hated situations where creativity was limited and protocols the name of the game.

When one becomes congruent then with what they hope to achieve and what they say they want to achieve, responses vary. There certainly are disapproving looks and questioning remarks, and these can be very difficult to battle, but the answer always lies in returning back to one's values that ultimately have guided one's goals and aspirations. Then there are those who express surprise; and then support you wholeheartedly.

The people who want to see your goals and aspirations reality. The people who see you as a person and not as an up-and-coming career-driven gunner. They listen to your reasoning, consider its merits, and reflect even upon their own thoughts. The most interesting conversations I've had whenever this subject is broached are with my fellow colleagues, who ostensibly are more certain about their pathway in life that I feel I am - of course, it's easy to reflect now that many others struggle with exactly the same issue and that the human condition is so nearly universal that it should not be a surprise to anyone who has the least modicum of life experience. Honesty with yourself begets honesty from others, and the deep connections made from the admission of vulnerability, of the spoken realisation that incongruency of belief and words exist, these draw people together.

This is about work and career, but it's the same for many other aspects of life. It happens when meeting potential partners. It happens when you discuss your faith or absence of it to friends and family. It happens when something of a political nature is being discussed. Honesty spoken out will cause some people to dislike who you are and what you represent; but it also more strongly binds you towards those who have similar conflicts and struggles, and strengthens your own resolve to pursue your own truthful life. Standing on one side of the fence will always bring detractors including those you felt were on your side just before. It all seems so simple written out, but it becomes hard to live out on a daily basis.

So I declare that I will always remain truthful to myself. That I will devote my energy into focusing time on achieving goals and aspirations. That I will not succumb to the temptation of portraying a planned perfection to others who surround me. That I will not spend time trying to recover sunk costs. Easier said than done.